Kristinia DeBarge - Goodbye

Phat cakap, this is the best break up song ever! And she's right!

So, dear ex bf! This one for u, u r missing a lot! U'll never find the best, coz u lost me! ;)

Am I supposed to put my life on hold

Because you don't know how to act

And you don't know where your life is going

Am I supposed to be torn apart, broken hearted, in a corner crying?

Pardon me if I don't show it

I don't care if I never see you again

I'll be alright

Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,

But either way baby, I'm gone

Chorus:

I'm so over it, I've been there and back

Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering

I got that new

I'm a single girl swag

Got me with my girls and we're singin' it sing!

Na na na na,hey na na na na hey

Hey hey hey

Goodbye

Na na na na, na na na na

Hey hey hey

Goodbye

Cut my hair 'cuz it reminded me of you

I know you like the long 'do,

Had to switch my attitude up

Thinkin' of changing up how I ride, No more

On the passenger side

Too bad you miss out on the way that I drive it

I don't care if I never see you again

I'll be alright

Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,

But either way baby, I'm gone

Chorus:

I'm so over it, I've been there and back

Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering

I got that newI'm a single girl swag

Got me with my girls and we're singin' it sing!

Na na na na, na na na na

Hey hey hey

Goodbye

Na na na na,hey na na na na hey

Hey hey hey

Goodbye

Hey hey, hey hey hey

Goodbye

Chorus:

I'm so over it, I've been there and back

Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering

I got that new

I'm a single girl swag

Got me with my girls and we're singin' it sing!

Na na na na,hey na na na na hey

Hey hey hey

Goodbye

Na na na na,hey na na na na hey

Hey hey hey

Goodbye

Goodbye

Na na na na,hey na na na na hey

Hey hey hey

Goodbye

Na na na na,hey na na na na hey

Hey hey hey

GoodbyeGoodbyeGoodbye

Daughtry - Over You

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
Well, I never saw it coming.*
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Rindu Terhenti ~ Tomok

Puasa Datang Lagi. :)

Heee, setel dh sahur. Subuh pn dh setel, tp xleh tdo blik sbb japg nk p hantar budak2 2 p sekolah...haih!~ Semalam time siap2 nk Isyak, dorg gaduh lg. Haihhhhhhh, ingtkn nk ade a good start for this puasa tp ade je x kne. Kate setan sume kne rantai, tp org tua 2 blh je naik angin mcm kne rasuk setan. Manusia2, x paham aku. Mintak2 la aku blh control baran ni time bulan nk kumpul pahala ni.

Haha, last2 smpai sudah x tulis dh entry Holiday in JB tu. Dah la, malas nk tulis. Cte panjang2 pn sume dh xde makne lg. Betul2 nekad ye kamu meninggalkn sy? Am I that boring that u gladly left me, literally just like that? Aiyo, sumpah x larat pikir sbb ape! Seriously, kalau betul la dh xnk dh boring sume, ckap jela bgtau. Xdela susah2 aku. Otak xpayah penat pikir byk2, hati pn xpayah sakit bile mengenangkn die bt cmtu. Hadoi, muff2! I know dh, long time ago that u r such a selfish person tp xkn kot smpai mcm ni. Sengaja sibukkan diri? Dh boring dgn sy tp xnk cakap n biar sy perasan sndiri? Ya Allah, sampai nye la hati. If I were u, I wont do such thing for the sake of the memories and all. Xkan la all the love words, all the perhatian, all the sweet words and all everything x bwak ape2 meaning to u muff? Ikhlas ke u muff slame ni? Seriously, I wont do such thing if I were u muff, sbb bile rse nk buat x sampai hati sbb I know what we both shared was real. But I guess u dont think of it that way kn? :(

Reality sucks. Kadang2 x pcy things have gone this far. X pcy n xnk pcy sbb everything seems so real. Mcm u betul2 ikhlas. God, I may be the most forgetful person, tp there's memories yg aku ingt. And again, it all seems sooo real. Am I that fragile that anyone can came into my heart and crushed them all they want? Sumpah x paham.

Enough la abt him, aku dok kalut pikiaq dia ntah2 dia lgsg x ingt aku. Haha, how ironic life can be! Tp lepas terawih smlm, gatal je tgn nk text him nk wish happy fasting. Since I've texted almost everyone on my contacts list, including Wan n Didie. Surprisingly, Wan la the first person yg reply my text. Remind pasal terawih. Thank God, after all that happened, I'm not losing any of our friends. Heee. Back to him, nk sgt text ni. Hadoi. So I asked for Phat's opinion. She said no la of course, die cakap x payah nk bazir mase ingt org yg lgsg x ingt kite. Hmm, betul gak kn. Ditambah pulak dgn ego aku ni, so I've decided xnk text sbb direct contact sgt. Segan+malu+ego=dduk diam2.

Tapiiii, that doesn't mean aku xleh wish lgsg kt die! haha. Blh wish thru blog, die ade bce atau x terpulang. Yang penting aku puas hati dpat wish, n my ego pn satisfied dgn cara ni. Strong LOSER I am! Hehehe. So yeah, muff~ Happy Fasting, selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa! Hope you doing well there. I miss you so much, but surprise2 I'm still alive!~ Wish you all the best.

Huwarghhhhhhh! Mengantoknye! Nk tido balik la, budak2 pn dh anta g skolah. Lepas ni bru nk tulis entry baru kalau rajin, ade story baekkkk punya. Haha.

Happy Fasting, dear me. ^.^

Truth Hurts. II

Adehhh, berdebarnye nk tau ape sbnrnye yg jd...

Ya Allah, nsib baik ade sorg hamba Allah ni yg sanggup bgtau all the truth. Walaupun agak kejam, tp nsib baik. Bodoh, aku diayam2 kn? Haha, lawaknye hidup.

Tapi ape sbnrnye yg hamba Allah ni tau? Asal susah sgt nk bgtau aku ape yg die tau? Berat sgt ke bnde ni? Damn, nervous sial aku. Perbualan ktorg terhenti takat 2 je...seksanye nk tunggu!

Lagi seksa nnti bile hamba Allah ni dh gtau...mintak2 la ape yg bakal die bgtau nnti x seperti yg aku dreaded. Fuck, this is getting me nervous. Uncertainty makes me wanna scream, and ripped my heart open, and bang my head to the wall. Argghh, damn it!

Truth Hurts.

Ouch, damn! Sakit sial. I just cannot believe a guy can be sooooo cruel. Kejamnye die!

I was stupid enough to believe him at the first place. Hadoi, buta hati betul! Nasib baik someone told me abt the truth, what really happened. Kalau x smpai skrg ni mesti aku masih lagi head over heels dgn die.

Tapi, susah nk percaya die sanggup sampai mcm tu skali. I mean, everything that had happened, xkan xde maksud ape2 bg die? All the love words, all the confessions, all the affections, all kisses, all hugs, even that THING! Takkan x bwak maksud ape2 lgsg?

Eeeee, kejam. Asal la yg aku ni bodoh sgt??? Ya Allah, beratnye dugaan! Nak buat ape ye skrg? Nasi dh jd bubur. Adehhhhh, kalau blh turn back time...

Seriously nk bt ape ye skrg ni? Confront die? Haram la die nk mengaku. Damn, I discovered the truth a little too late. Fucked up betul la. Alaaaa, nk bt ape ni? Nk text die ke tnye? Atau nk diam je? Mne blh diam je, mmg same2 salah...Tapi...shouldn't he at least be a little responsible? Alamak, ape nk bt ni? Seriously ape? X tau.

Hidup.

Problems after problems after problems. Gosh, sabar la! Cuba la masalah dtg satu-satu. Senang sikit nk handle. Ini x, sekali harung sume. Haih penat!

Tapi bagus jugak ade masalah byk2, blh lupe Zul sekejap.

Bile time2 mcm ni, teringin nk call die. Nk sembang2, nk cte problems, nk mntak advice. Tp harapan jela. Conclusionnye, tanggung la problems ni sume sorg2. Xpela kot, susah2 dulu sorg2, senang2 kemudian ramai2. Dunia dunia.

Semoga dgn problems yg x habis2 ni, i'll be stronger than ever. Insyaallah. :)

Malam ni kalau rajin nk bt continuation of Holiday in JB. Kalau rajin la.

Holiday in JB ~ Continuation

Dh rse cm ngantok2 dh. Nk dekat kul 2am dh pun. Nnti esok la continue tulis kt blog ni.

Rindu dekat Zulhilmi. Damn. Terlajak perahu blh tarik, terlajak cakap cmne plak ea? Love you always baby.

Holiday ~ 2nd Day in JB.

Saturday.

2nd day di JB. Lepas beliau hantar balik pg 2, aku tdo dalam kul 7+ cmtu kot lau xsilap. Then bgn around 11 mcm 2 kot. Ke kul 10++ ea? Lebih kurg la. Walaupn dalam hati ade sedikit terasa sbb something yg beliau ckap sbelum masuk umah pg td, tp xpela. Malas la nk ungkit2 lg, kang beliau 2 majuk lg susah aku. Then kuar breakfast jap dgn Phat. Diba dgn Syooc x bangkit tdoq lg, so kite pegi dua org je. Bile balik umah mandi2 n siap2. Sbb Phat kate nk beli brg2 utk surprise bday Loloq malam ni. Biaselah aku, pas mandi siap awal2, mekap jap, bt rambut jap. Sume dh, tp budak2 ni x siap pape lg. Lagi2 Diba. Hampeh betul, lembap! Berjam siap.

Disebabkn malam 2 agak busy sbb byk preparation nk kne bt for the surprise, aku texted beliau ajak kuar jap petang 2 sbb malam 2 takut balik lmbat. X nak la ajak die kuar lewat2, kesian die. Penat lak kang. So siang 2 teman beliau lunch jap. Tapi...ade tapi jugak...ape la yg aku x puas hati lg ni...mse kuar 2 beliau ckap beliau xleh lme, xpela 2 aku blh pham sbb die keje. Tp yg x tahan 2 siap blh set time lg bpe lme nk kuar. Mne blh mcm 2, mcm x ikhlas je. Then mse makan beliau blik2 check time. Ehh, mcm terpaksa je. Ala sedihnye! Tp xpela, mungkin die x perasan kot die bt mcm 2. Walaupun beliau blh jd lebih peka dan sensitif thadap perasaan sy. Ntah asal, lunch kali ni mcm ade sikit boring. Die pn x byk cakap, diam je. Kurg eye-contact. N x tau la betul ke x, tp aku dapat rse mcm die cube elak everytime i tried to touch his hand. Perasaan aku je ke 2 ea? atau mmg betul mcm 2? Muke die mcm x excited je jmpe sy. Zul dh boring dgn i ke ea?

Sampai kt umah, sebelum kuar kete aku nk tnye something kt beliau. Tp soalan tu x blh nk kuar. Tsekat kt kerongkong, takut aku salah bg ayat n takut die salah interpret soalan tu. So sampai skrg soalan tu aku sorg je yg tau, n this question has been haunting me ever since. Adehhh, nk sgt tnye tp x blh. Takut. Segan.

Then beliau balik, smbung keje. Walaupun jmpe sekejapppp je, tp ok la 2 drpd x jmpe lgsg. Then kitorg 4 org kuar g beli brg2 utk surprise malam ni. Pegi Perling Mall beli cake, pastu pusing2 jap. Pas2 balik n tdo trus...sampai la kul 7pm. Phat kejut, mntak aku tlg isi kn air dalam balloons. Malas sebenarnye, tp xpela. Bukan slalu, lg pun seronok kot blh basah2 main air. Haha. Sume bnde utk the surprise dh siap. Then aku pn siap2, tukar baju, ikat rmbut elok2 then around 8pm cmtu kuar umah, g amik Chacha.

Lepas amik Chacha, kitorg trus g Diva tempat karaoke 2. Sementara Phat g crik parking, Chacha and I trun dulu sbb nk book room for karaoke 2. Ya Allahhhh, rimasnye! Byk nye org! Mat2 motor lg la bersepah. Rimas dgr bunyi dorg bt. Mcm2. Mse otw dr luar Giant nk ke dalam Diva tbe2 ade sorg mamat ni, jalan sebelah aku, dekat giler pastu stop depan ktorg cakap 'cun dowh awak, nk phone number blh?' Adehhh, aku ape lg, bile org bt mcm tu spontaneous aku akn trus dumbfounded. Jadi bangang n xtau nk bt ape. Terkelip2 smbil berdiri mcm tunggul. Nasib baik Chacha tarik. Phewww.

So, this and that jd. Karaoke la, pool la. Pas2 tbe mse utk bt surprise. Kite blindfolded kn Loloq and bwak die g park kt Sutera Merah 2. Pas2 main2 tepung la, baling2 water balloons tu pulak! Habis basah n badan penuh tepung. Damn it, paling pantang aku rambut aku kotor!!! Tp xpe la, seronok kot. I was having fun.

Sampai rumah, sume org balik umah Phat except Chacha. Die xleh blik lmbat sgt. So xpe, sampai umah aku mandi dlu, syampu ape sume, gosok sini sental sana. And jeng jeng jeng! Sudah berkilat semula, mcm pakai Axion. Haha. Try call beliau, tp x pick up plak. Tido dh kot, tp awal lg ni. Die penat sgt kot. Xpela, ksian die. RINDU.

Then ktorg 6 org lepak main card, main ceper sampai kul 6am. Phat, Diba, Syooc, Loloq, Syuk and I. Giler ah! Lapar and mengantuk. Then yg lain nk blik sbb dh pagi, so ktorg pesan kt Syooc suh belikn breakfast since die nk dtg blik pas2. Nasib baik mummy x de kt JB, lau x harapan la nk lepak2 mcm 2.

Lepas makan breakfast Syooc bwak 2, aku pun menidurkn diri.

End of Day Two.

Holiday ~ 1st Day in JB.

Friday.

After some talking with my parents, I finally managed to get their permission for a holiday to JB. How grateful and happy I am, Tuhan je tau. Finally after months, I got to see him. Just the thought of it makes my heart pumps thousands times faster. Dh terbayang2 dh all the good times yg akn we both share nanti. I was so looking forward to meet him. Butterflies in my stomach, usah dikenang la...flying around like never before. God I miss him. My muffin.

Phat fetched me at home pkul 2.30 pm mcm tu. Then we both g amik Diba, went to Phat's daddy house then bertolak ke JB by 6pm mcm tu. Kalau ikt hati, nk je btolak kul 2.30 tu jugak...tp dh Phat yg drive kn, so sabar jela.

We arrived in JB dalam kul 9+ cmtu kot...x ingt plak. Sampai2 trus g umah Syooc, Phat nk amik die. Sempat la jugak sembang2 dgn mama Syooc. Rajin btul bsembang, ktorg pun layan jela. Seronok kot dgr die cte itu ini. Then pas dh amik Syooc, kite trus g Stulang. Nak makan nasik gorg seafood, ok la jugak...Sedap. Mse nk dekat habis makan 2, tbe2 Loloq muncul dgn Farhana. Adeh, x mcm tkejut lak ktorg Farhana ade. Lantak la. Dalam hati ni gatal jeeee nk call Zul suh amik, tp biarpn dorg x kisah tp mcm x respect lak kalau blah cmtu je. So xpe, sabar jela. Pas makan, Syooc ngan Loloq ajak g shisha kt Taman Universiti plak. Adehhh, bpak die! Nk balik umah, nk mandi pas2 nk kuar jumpe kekasih hati sy!!! Hmmm, sebagai tanda respect terhadap Phat selaku tuan rumah, ikut jela...Babi btul!

Xpe2, gua sabar gua sabar...sejam berlalu, dua jam berlalu...wahhhh, ini sudah lebey. Aku dh xleh sabar, lantas mengtext Zul. Then bru tnye Phat, would she mind if I nk lepak dgn die. Phat kate die ok je. Damn! Kalau tau die x kisah, awal2 lg dh bgtau beliau. So xpe, directions after directions akhirnye beliau sampai. Wahhhhh, sungguh gumbira rasa d hati!!! Tp segan la plak, mcm bru first time jmpe. Haha. Dalam hati ni, Tuhan jela yg tau mcm mne bdebar die. Mcm nk tercabut jantung ni sbb bdegup dgn sgt kencang dan sgt cepat. Haih, I'm falling in love with him allllll over again.

Then, sume dh nk blah aku ikt beliau balik ke rumah beliau. Parents beliau xde, g wedding kt KL. Ksian die duk umah sorg2, kne bt keje umah sorg2. This and that. .....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Bende dh jadi, nk menyesal pn xde gne. Then lepas sarapan, di mana beliau telah makan nasik lemak dgn aym gorg n telur. Adehhh, die makan mcm 2 pn aku blh lg meng-adore beliau. Menawan sungguh. Angau betul aku ni. Sejuk pg tu, rse mcm nk suh beliau hug supaya hangat ckit. Tp xkn kot, lg pun itu public place dan beliau tgh makan. Xpela. Heeee. I dont know why I'm behaving like a bitch, merungut itu ini depan die. I want to put on my best behaviour, tp lain lak yg jd. Haih, bodoh!

After breakfast 2, beliau sent me back to Phat's house.

End of Day 1.

Broken Hearted Girl

You’re everything I thought you never were

And nothing like I thought you could’ve been

But still you live inside of me

So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget

The only one I’d love enough to not forgive

And though you break my heart, you’re the only one

And though there are times when I hate you

Cause I can’t erase

The times that you hurt me

And put tears on my face

And even now while I hate you

It pains me to say

I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe

I don’t want a broken heart

Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe

I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you

But let me just say

I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no

I don’t want a broken heart

And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No

No broken-hearted girl

I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say

But up to now I’ve always been afraid

That you would never come around

And still I want to put this out

You say you’ve got the most respect for me

But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me

And still you’re in my heart

But you’re the only one and yes

There are times when I hate you

But I don’t complain

Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away

Oh but now I don’t hate you

I’m happy to say

That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe

I don’t want a broken heart

Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe

I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you But let me just say

I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no

I don’t want a broken heart

And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No

No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo

I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah

Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free

To spread my wings and fly away

Away With you yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby

I don’t wanna a broken heart

Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby

I don’t wanna play that part

I know that I love you But let me just say

I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No

I don’t want a broken heart

I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..

No broken-hearted girl

Broken-hearted girl No…no…

No broken-hearted girl

No broken-hearted girl

Jika isteri menangis dihadapanmu…..

Jika isteri menangis dihadapanmu….

“hargai lah ia sblm terlewat…”

Jika seorang isteri menangis dihadapanmu,

itu bererti dia tidak dapat menahannya lagi…

Jika kau memegang tangannya saat dia menangis,

dia akan tinggal bersamamu sepanjang hidupmu..

Jika kau membiarkannya pergi,

dia tidak akan kembali menjadi dirinya yang dulu, selamanya!

Seorang isteri tidak akan menangis dengan mudah,

kacuali didepan orang yang sangat dia sayangi, dia akan menjadi lemah!

Seorang isteri tidak akan menangis dengan mudah,

hanya jika dia sangat menyayangimu.

Dia akan menurunkan rasa EGOnya.

Wahai suami2, jika seorang istri pernah menangis karenamu,

tolong pegang tangannya dengan penuh pengertian.

Kerana dia adalah orang yang akan tetap bersamamu

sepanjang hidupmu disaat kau terpuruk terlalu dalam …

Wahai suami2, jika seorang isteri menangis keranamu,

tolong jangan menyia-nyiakannya.

Mungkin, kerana keputusanmu, kau merosakkan kehidupannya.

Saat dia menangis didepanmu, saat dia menangis keranamu.

Lihatlah jauh kedalam matanya.

Dapatkah kau lihat dan kau rasakan SAKIT yang dirasakannya keranamu ?

Apakah keistimewaan perempuan ini ?

Dibalik KELEMBUTANYA dia memiliki kekuatan yang begitu dahsyat..

TUTUR katanya merupakan KEBENARAN..

SENYUMAN’nya adalah SEMANGAT bagi orang yang dicintainya..

PELUKAN & CIUMAN’nya bisa memberi KEHANGATAN bagi anak2nya..

Dia TERSENYUM bila melihat temannya tertawa..

Dia TERHARU Dia MENANGIS bila melihat KESENGSARAAN pd org2 yg dikasihinya...

Dia mampu TERSENYUM dibalik KESEDIHAN’nya..

Dia sangat GEMBIRA melihat KELAHIRAN..

Dia begitu sedih melihat KEMATIAN..

TITISAN air matanya bisa membawa PERDAMAIAN.

Tapi dia sering dilupakan oleh SUAMI krn 1 hal…

Bahawa “Betapa BERHARGAnya dia”…

Sebarkan ini ke SELURUH ISTERI2 yg soleha dan SUAMI2 yang kamu kenal agar mereka tidak lupa bahwa ISTERI mrk begitu berHARGA…

Dan sangat berHARGA.

Credits to akak yg kt FB 2, spe ntah. :) Hehe.

:)

When a GIRL calls you everyday, she is seeking for your attention. When a GIRL texts u everyday, she wants u to reply at least once. When a GIRL says I love you, she means it. When a GIRL says she can't live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future. When a GIRL says "i miss you", no one in this world can miss you more than she do.

Credits to Farah Amelia. :)

Seize it. =.="

College is overrr! Holiday, owh yeah! Nk bt ape ye cuti ni? Three long weeks before the new term starts. The new term where aku kne amik byk subjects! Huh, nyampah. Byk sgt, takut xleh nk concentrate lak. Hadoi.



This Thursday atau Friday nk ikut Phat trun JB ah. Syooc nk bt bday celebration for me and Loloq. Adehhh, segan la plak. Bday Loloq happened to be close to mine.



Trun JB ni nk gtau die ke ea? Kalau gtau, pas2 die bt dek je...cmne? haaa, kn dh malu. Mcm thegeh2 lak. Adehhh, complicatednye. Nae kaseumi nomu appayo...((heee, malas nk tukar language font g korean)). Naega chongmal michi go gata! Aigoo! Keu saram, naega nomu bogo shippo-yo. Keu saram, wae keure chincha?



I mean, kalau gtau pn mcm la die nk pedulik. Kalau duk jauh2 mcm skrg pn die bt xtau je, ni plak ble ade dekat. Silap2 bt mcm sy invisible je. Saesange, nae kaseumi nomu nomu appayo. I saram, bogo shipposo. Wae yo? Di mana silapnye?



If only he know, how naega i saram-i chongmal choewa he, maybe he won't ignore me like this.



These wholeeee thing makes me wonder. Why do I need a boyfriend again? So that I can be ignore and left behind? So that I have to be alone? So that I have to berat kn kepala otak dgn pikir where did I do wrong? Definitely la tak. Tapi...?



But owh well, dh biase la kne ignore2 dgn org lain ni. I've been ignored by so many people before, so another peng-ignore-an dr anda takkan melemahkn sy. Eventhough the heartache grows in inside. Macam yg Bee Gees nyanyi 2. Too many heartache in one lifetime ain't good for me. Tapi...?

Eh jap2, satg x habaq kang x mcm die trase ke nnti? Kan kaum adam ni susah sikit nk bce...Hadoi. Tgk la nnti, when the time comes nk bt mcm mne.

P/S: ~Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost.~

Unfair. II

I know I sound selfish when I screamed to the world of how unfair life is. But I just cant help it. I just need to let it out. If I kept on letting them growing inside of me, then I'm very sure I'll be dead before 2012. LOL. Patience is like 0.1%. Every single thing is challenging me to the core, berat betul dugaan Tuhan. I am so freaking tired by trying to keep up with everything in life. I feel like giving up, but that is definitely not the option.

I am a perfectionist. I want every single fucking thing in my life to be perfect. Tapi sangat susah okay. And often times, I had to give in to those imperfect things or situations. I want to be gorgeously elegantly pretty; but I'm so not. I want to be filthy rich; but I'm not. I want to be like Albert Einstein; but I'm not. I want to have a perfect, all round bf; but he's barely here for me. I want to have a fucking amazing wardrobe; but I don't. I want to have a strong faith; but the devils are playing strings with me. I want life to treat me well; but they don't. I want to be perfect; but I can't.

C'est la vie~

Unfair.

I am angry nearly every day of my life, but I have learned not to show it; and I still try to hope not to feel it, though it may take me another forty years to do it.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” — Marilyn Monroe

I might grow old alone, and die as a single virgin. Life is sooo freaking unfair. WTH? If being patience is like a timebomb, then i'm pretty much sure I have exploded decades ago! Please, give me some space. Privacy people!~ The thing we called human rights are sooo do not exist. I'm so gonna kill the person who came up with the idea of this so-fucking-so-called human rights! Cause they are all BULLSHIT! Damn.

Jessica Mauboy Feat. Flo Rida - Running Back

(Verse 1)
These days you barely even say my name
Like you don't really feel the same
I'm wondering whats to blame
These nights, I fall asleep wondering where you are
It feels like we're falling apart
And it's totally breaking my heart
Cause if bein' with you means being alone
And never knowing when you're comin' home
Then I guess I'm better off on my own

(Chorus)
But I cant move on
Cause that means forgettin, forgettin, everything we had
Instead I keep running, keep running, I keep running back
Cause I keep forgettin, forgettin, you treat me so bad
So I keep on comin, keep comin, I keep comin back
I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep running back (I keep comin back)
I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep comin, I keep running back

(Verse 2)
My friends say that I should leave you behind
And stop wasting all my time
They tell me that I'm out of my mind
But I know that what we both share is real
And that I been willing to deal
With the way that you're making me feel
Cause if being with you means being alone
And never knowin' when you're coming home
Then I guess I'm better off on my own

Chorus
But I cant move on
Cause that means forgettin, forgettin, everything we had
Instead I keep running, keep running, I keep running back
Cause I keep forgettin, forgettin, you treat me so bad
So I keep on comin, keep comin, I keep comin back

I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep running back (I keep comin back)
I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep comin, I keep running back

(Rap- Flo Rida)
Ma ma ma mama caught up
We not all heard the same story
Just different authors this book crazy
Always a lady looking for love where there's a maybe
We might could be together
They fight to be together
Aight to be together
Shorty yeah he cheated
You say you don't need it
Turn around and leave it
Oh he back next week
Fuss…Fight
And then the whole thing repeat like nothing ever happened
Dat was just rapping
No publishing
Shorty you knew that he ain't got the same government
Lil mama can't move on
But it's her fault she struggling
She can't…move…on

Chorus
But I cant move on
Cause that means forgettin, forgettin, everything we had
Instead I keep running, keep running, I keep comin back

I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep running back (I keep comin back)
I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep comin, I keep running back
I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep running back (I keep comin back)
I keep comin back (I keep running back) And I keep comin, I keep running back…
…To you

Life Like This.

Life is just so fucking unfair.

Yes, too many heartaches in one lifetime ain't good for me. SO to prevent so, let's just put everything down and do it your way. Please3 God, give me strengthsss to start ignoring things that can make me weak. Arghhh, so in need to smoke now!!! Haha, mcm la blh kn?

Fucked up and messed up. Let's start the 'ignoring regime' NOWWWW!~


C'EST LA VIE???!!!

June 18th 2010

Phewww, what a looooong day!~

I woke up at 7am, anta mama g keje pas2 g beli breakfast. Mandi2 n siap2 nk g fetch Fed sbb we're going to KL. Nk collect result IELTS. So yeah we went there. She kept asking me, aren't you scared aren't you scared? Well not reaaallly coz I know I did well in the exam, well, kinda. Tp nk sedapkn hati minah ni, aku pn cakap 'xtakut tp neBes' dgn wajah yg xberperasaan. Hahahaha, xmcm aku kne maki lak kn ngan die sbb bt muke selamberrr dek je. Padan muke ko, geram aku haih hang tanye balik2!~ Pas2 sampai je kt British Council 2, pas park kete n scan bag sume kami pn menuju ke counter tanye2 2. Kne tunggu sat sbb de org. Mse tunggu 2 la bru aku start takut+nebes!~ Hadoi, cuak habis. Dh turn ktorg, abg 2 mintak ic pe sume n die starts crik result kami. Kecuakkan aku dh mencapai tahap tertinggi, kalah Sang Perwira punye jurus 38 Petala Langit. Then die distributed result ktorg in an envelope. Chill dlu, chill dlu...xnk bukak lg. Skali dh jejak luar main entrance 2 bru ktorg pelan2 bukak envelope 2 n tgk result. Fed bukak dlu, and she found out she got band 6.5. She was happpyyyy!~ Now turn aku lak. Syial, cuak3!!! Tarik pelan2 je result slip 2...Skali...Jeng3!!!~ I got band 7.5!!! Hahahhah YEAY MEEEEE! Phewww, selamat aku!~

Pas g amik result 2, since it's only 10am++ and janji nk study group ngan Mia pn kul 12, we decided, actually I decided nk g Jalan TAR nk perbaik kasut. Bukan kasut like the real kasut la actually, one sandal and dua wedges. Hahaha, all the way to KL la plak kn? Sengal. So yeah. Pusing punye pusing sampai makcik sorg ni dh tetdo kt sbelah tinggal aku sorg2 je figured out jalan. Effect ubat seseme kate die. Pusing2 lg, last2 kat area kedai2 depan Masjid India 2 bru jmpe, siap ade parking lg. Nasib aku, what a LUCKY BITCH I am!~ Hahaha

Pas tnye harga kt abg cobbler 2, aku bg la trus tiga2 kasut 2...Murah la jugak, rm2 satu kasut. Terkejut gak aku kn, ingtkn bpe la td. Dh la poket ngah xramai ni...Hehe. Mse die tgh bt kasut 2, aku pn observed la cre die sume. Let's say la dalam sehari 2 ade 5 org je nk alter kasut, bru rm10 abg 2 dapat. Mcm mne ea nk survive? Kesian plak. Gler bersyukur kn aku hdup senang lenang je cmni. Kate la lau aku pn susah cmtu, ape jela aku nk bt agaknye? Nk jd cobbler gak? Huh, kemahiran lgsg xde. Satu lg, I admired their determination. Mmg keje 2 susah nk senang, tp at least it's better than mintak sedekah kn? Kagum gler. Masalahnye kecik je kot, bahagian depan sandal n wedges 2 dh tanggal. Sendiri pn blh perbaik sbnrnye. Tp kite yg spoilt gler2 ni ngade2 nk suh org lain yg tlg perbaik. Nsib baik ade dorg ni, so literally it's a cycle of symbiosis la kot. We help each other kn.

Then dh setel sume, g kolej trus. Meet up Mia kt library pas2 bt tutorial Stats sme2. Mse tgh2 bt tutorial 2 tbe2 otak ter-distract jap sbb tbe2 dilanda angin rindu dendam kt bdak bcuk sy 2. Call jap la, dgr suara jappp je pn jdik la. Haih, sumpah cute dowh die gelak. Lagi la rindu3~ Then 3pm masuk class Statistics. For the first time sepanjang aku study ni, aku xngantok atau tetido dlam class. Hahaha, ye r sebelum masuk class dh layan 'drugs' dlu. Kepala pn layan je, Mmg 'weylll2' la~ Hahaha, drugs sy adalah nescafe dlam tin yg kaler light blue 2. Die de rse cm minty2 ckit. Gler best class td, rse cm genius sial bt calculation td 2. Gler smart sume nombor2 2. Adehhhh, bangga aku! Hhehehehe, koya lebey syial.

Pas2 smpai umah pnye cte lak. Skali babah nk ajak g makan luar, since dinner kt Flaming xjdik sbb Maklang n family g Langkawi. Babah ajak g Uptown Danau Kota!!! Haram la aku nk ikt, tempat the ex-bf 2 lepak kot ctu! Dah la rems bsepah2. Kate la aku g pas2 die nmpak aku ngan family, japg die bt kacau ke, x ke naya cm2? Haih, nsib baik la de assignment yg kne anta b4 12am td. Ade gak alasan xnk join dorg. Lau x skrg pn xblik lg. Skrg 2 as in 2.14am...

And since skrg pn dh kul 2am++, mata pn dh berat ni...Katil n bantal ni dh miscall blik2 dh ni, suh tdo la 2 kot...hahaha. Dah la sok kul 9 keje. Malam ni tdo hug Muffin lg, yeay!~ Hahaha

.......

Now that I'm jealous, what do u think i should do? Hadoi, mencabar keimanan n menguji kesabaran btul! Out of hundreds ko pnye friends dlam friend's list 2, asal la page mamat 2 gak ko nk menyemak? Dua kali plak 2!!! Argggggghhhhhhhhhh crazy bee-yatch! Paranoid! Attention-seeker! Arggghhhhh!~

Calm down syg, breathe in breathe out. U know u r waaaayyyy better than her, so chill out. She's the past, u r the present n insyaallah will be the future as well. So relax la...ni good inner-self yg ckap...

WTF?! Is she sane or what?! WTH is she doing menyemak-ing in his page, with alll the annoying quizzes n stuff?! What r u trying to prove again? Add me if u dare, then kite fight! Tgk kuasa Otromen spe lg hebat...ni evil inner-self yg ckap...

hahaha, gaduh la korg dua org. Maleh aku nk msuk cmpur walaupn korg bdua ini adalah aku. Aku adalah korg, korg aku, aku korg. Ahh sudahhh, gler dh pmpuan ni...Hehehehe

Tadi g tgk movie!!! Yeay~ Sex and The City 2. It was great! The women are like, the luckiest bitch alive, until of coz, Samantha ruins it. Huh!~ Always love Carrie and Big's style. And Ohhhhhhh Myyyyy Gooooood, isnt the black diamond ring Big got for Carrie amazinggg? I'll die n go to heaven kalau dpat satu mcm 2! Hahaha.

Other than that xde sgt kot, bese2 je. Ape kte we go to bed skrg? Hmmm, good idea gak 2...

Kesibukanku Hari Ini.

Hmmm, hari ni sy busy n sgt penat. Gler ah.

Pagi2 dikejutkn dengan deringan telefon bimbit sy. Babah rupanya. Beliau menyuruh sy pergi ke luar rumah kerana terdapat despatch boy yg mahu menyerahkn parcel sedang menanti di luar rumah. Dengan perasaan malas utk menyarungkn baju berlapis2, sy hanya menyarung bathrobe sahaja. Dengan rambut serabai dan muka suci belum cuci muka sy pn keluar mengambil parcel tersebut. Kelihatan di wajah abg despatch itu riak2 kelucuan dan mimik2 ejekan. Lantak engko la, aku mamai lg ni. Saya msuk ke dalam rumah dan menyambung semula lena yg terganggu sebentar td.

Sesudah itu sy pn bgn semula dan lantas trun ke bawah kerana babah sudah blik membawa sarapan utk kami semua. Roti canai. Haih, tiba2 hati ini diserang rindu akn roti tampal goyang d JB tempoh hari. Sesudah makan, sy dan adik2 bt lerrr apa yg patut dalam usaha kami mengemas rumah yg telah seminggu ditinggalkn. Kemudian, by noon, babah menyuruh sy pergi ke shah alam utk mengambil brg beliau di pejabat pos. Di sinilah kesibukan hariku bermula.

Sesampaiku d post office dan setelah menunggu beberapa lama, barulah aku dimaklumkan yg sebenarnya brg tersebut sepatutnya diambil di post office yg satu lg. D glenmarie. Aduhai, mmg haram la sy nk ke sana selepas itu. Sy pn membuat keputusan utk trus ke Kota Damansara. Pusing punya pusing jalan keluar, pi mai pi mai tang tu gak. 3 kali sy tawaf, last skali bru pass naik highway nk ke KD.

Kemudian sy ke rumah Phat utk menguruskan wardrobe n accessories utk photoshoot ktorg pnye blog 2. Sedar2 x sedar sudah pukul 3.20pm. Dengan kelam kabut nya sy memecut kenderaan utk ke kolej. Tetapi pada ketika photoshoot itu sdg berlangsung, kami semua seperti ter-annoyed dgn kerenah Diba ank Datuk. Semua serba xkena, dh la dtg lambat. Haih. Kemudian, sesudah tiba d kolej kami pn berlari2 ank ke kelas kerana quiz sdg berlangsung ketika ini. Dan kami hanya mempunyai 4minit utk menyiapkn quiz tersebut. Kemudian sepanjang class sy dan Phat hanya tersengguk2 menahan mengantuk. Kemuncaknya ialah kami bergabung kepala utk sama2 menidurkn diri selama beberapa minit kuliah tersebut.

Apabila waktu rehat tiba, sy dan Phat berpusu2 ke canteen utk soru. Perghh, sumpah lapar. Yela, breakfast sahaja dr td. Kami pn melantak dgn sepuas hati. Kemudian class pn bersambung. Kami tertidur lg, seperti biasa. Apabila class telah berakhir, sedang aku mencuba meloloskn diri dr seat yg sempit itu, tiba2 Diba dtg dan berkeras mahu menatap semula gambar2 yg telah diambil sepanjang photoshoot td. Aku mengatakn lain kali saja lah kerana aku mahu berkejar mengambil mama blik dr kerja, tp dia berkeras. Aku dilanda kegeraman lalu mengeluh dan meninggikan suaraku utk menyatakan ketidakpuashatianku. Tp dia tetap xpaham protes itu. Slow sungguh!

Selepas mengadakan sesi soal jawab mengenai blog Wordpress.com kami dgn Mr Ilyas, aku pn keluar dr class. Tiba2 Egypt mengejarku dr belakang dan memulakan perbualan. Rindu katanya. Aku pn pelik, begitu juga dgn Phat. Apakah??? Selepas itu aku menghantar Phat ke klinik kerana beliau berasa kurang sihat, sama seperti apa yg ku rasakan ketika ini. Sesudah itu aku trus memecut kenderaan utk mengambil mama yg sudah pulang dr kerja. Nasib baik jalanraya tidak mengada2 hari ini, kurang kesesakan dan lancar perjalananku. Aku sampai di rumah lebih kurg pukul 8.30malam selepas menurut kehendak mama utk singgah di sana sini.

Sampai2 je terus makan. Sesudah makan aku naik ke bilik dan bersiap sedia utk mandi. Tiba2 ada khidmat pesanan ringkas diterima d telefon bimbitku. Ah, kekasih hati rupanya. Sekonyong2 aku dipagut rasa bersalah kerana telah mengabaikan beliau sepanjang hari ini kerana kesibukanku. Walaupn begitu aku ttp gumbira mendapat khidmat pesanan ringkas itu, biar aku ada mengesan sedikit riak2 kemalasan dan kemenyampahan dr cara beliau menghantar pesanan tersebut. Tak mengapa lah, pasrah sahaja kepada Yang Esa, dia Maha Mengetahui. Selepas mandi aku berasa lega. Segala2nya sudah wangi. Rambut ini sungguh ringan, harumannya menyegarkn mindaku.

Kemudian aku turun ke bawah. Adik2 perempuanku sdg menonton Hitz. Lagu2nya semua layannnnn. Kami pn mengadakan konsert d ruang tamu itu, miming lagu2 yg berkumandang. Nasib baik babah keluar membincangkan soal kerja, kalau tidak mmg sah2 kami akn diterajang sorg demi sorg. Hahahaha. Kemudian aku naik semula ke bilik dan mula mengarang entry ini, mmg macam haram cara aku menulisnya kali ini. Keskemaan melanda.

Telefon bimbit ku letakkan betul2 di sebelah komputer ribaku. Menanti ia berdering, menunggu khidmat pesanan ringkas atau jikalau bernasib baik panggilan telefon dr kekasih hati. Tetapi hampa. Lantas aku meruntuhkan tembok keegoan ku dan mengambil inisiatif pertama untuk menghantar pesanan kepadanya. Perkara biasa. Soalan lain yg ku ajukan, jawapan lain yg diterima. Lagi sekali, tak mengapa lah. Beliau sedang sibuk agaknya.

Walaupn aku dilanda kesibukan sepanjang hari ini, separuh dr jiwa dan ingatanku ada pada sang kekasih hati. Ingatan padanya tetap utuh, dan di satu sudut kecil hati ku aku mengharapkn sedikit tanda ingatan dr beliau. Satu khidmat pesanan ringkas darinya sudah mencukupi bagiku, tetapi hampa. Dan seperti biasa, tak mengapa lah. Sakit dadaku menanggung rindu, seperti menghidap barah tahap kritikal lagaknya. Dan seperti biasa lg, tak mengapa lah.

Seperti biasa juga, tidur malamku akn ditemani outfit itu. Kehangatan yg ku rasakn dr litupan outfit tersebut ke atas badanku seolah2 hangatnya pelukan dr beliau. Dan pasti akn nyenyak lenaku, mimpi2 indah belaka.

~And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind. To me it happens all the time.~ Lady Antebellum, Need You Now.

These past few days...

Gler cepat masa berlalu...sedar2 dh seminggu x post pape kt blog. Last post published was on June 7th 2010. Miss me huh, bloggie? Awww, i miss you too...


Lagenda Budak Setan
Somewhere around last week or last two weeks Phat n I went for a movie. Cte melayu. Yes, yesss...mmg agak mengejutkan tp itulah die. The truth, ktorg tgk wayang cte melayuuuuu!~ Cte 'Lagenda Budak Setan.' Owh well, worth a watch la jgak since cte 2 mmg menarik. Tp yg bt xbest 2 ialah BM yg dorg gne dlam movie. Punya skema sial!!! Sumpah sgt la bersifat kemelayuan, tp xkisah la 2. And for the first time, i have to admit la yg Farid Kamil 2 cute la jugak. If only there's a guy yg mcm Akashah 2. Perghh, bahagia hidup aku. But as the movie's going, tbe2 ade part yg reminds me of the past relationship. Yes, you guess it right. The 'pukul2 blasah2' thingy. That is exactly how I kena dgn Arif dlu. But owh well, mse 2 kn konon 'cinta mati' so kena teruk2 pn I was like, ok je xpe. Bodoh pnye perempuan! Bile tgk org lain kne blasah mcm 2 bru la perasan yg sebenarnya bnde 2 adalah bnde yg sgt dahsyat! Hmmm, manusia. Dah terhantuk bru nk terngadah.

Diba
there's a reason why she is one of the sub-topics. Sebabnye ialah sy sudah semakin kurg suka dgn die ni. Haih. Girl, I know u r still young. bru 18 tp please please please grow up! Please la be a little more concern n responsible. Xkan la every single time nk class people have to tell you where n when, quizzes where n when. I mean, rather than FB-ing semata2 ape kte ko online la check pape info pasal next class. N the quizzes, ape gne la Mr Ilyas bg the schedule outlines kalau xblh nk refer anything kt ctu?! Heee, geram!!!~ What, ko nk org pity ko since u have to repeat last term pnye subject? Hey, it's ur fault that u failed bcoz u dont work hard enough. It's ur assignments tp asal Phat yg kne finalized smpai pkul 4am? Where are ur sense man?! Tau la ank Datuk, tp tlg la!!! Skrg ni ialah college, bukan high school lg. Sume bnde kne setel sndiri, kne independent. It's a man eat man world skrg, xde mse la nk play all goody2 girl. Haih, how i wish i can tell u this out loud!!! @_@

Balik Kampung
Hmmm,the family all balik kg except me. Xde la terkilan sgt sbb xdapat ikut, tp terkilan sbb x dapat ikut g shopping skali!!! Tp xpe, byk souvenirs utk sy!!! And and and, aku dapat handbag bru...Not really my taste, but hey! It's handbag dude. And the sisters got me this very cute hair thingy, its for cucuk ur hair kinda thing. Sanggul ke hape ntah. N ble sampai umah td, punggah2 brg dorg. Punye la byk bnde2 yg dorg beli kt pekan rabu. Ade bubur chacha lg 2, yes3! Sy suke mkan 2, weekend ni blh bt!!!

This coming Friday
Friday ni we're going to have dinner dgn Pak Lang's family, nk celebrate mama's belated bday katenye...Thanks to me, the venue is 'FLAMING'!!!!!! Yeay, dh la reasonable pas2 blh amik balik2 lak 2. Yg penting ice-cream die ade mint flavour! Yeay lg!~ Hahahahaha. Tapiiiiii...ala, mati kutu dowh aku kalau nk mingle dgn dorg 2. Sumpah xreti. Sefriendly2 sy ni pn, dgn dorg ttp xleh masuk kepala. Adehhh, xpe2 kite concentrate makan je nnti...Hehehe

Last Weekend
Since my family blik kg, n Ayan pn fly to Brisbane. Which means I have the house allll to myself, I decided to go to JB. Yeap, so I went. Nothing much. This and that. Tp roti tampal kt JB mmg best, much2 better than KL. Hahaha.

Complications
As usual: Insensitive. Ridiculous. Selfish. Amateur. Too Laid-back.
As expected: Dissatisfied. Broken-hearted. Self-centered bitch. Perfectionist.

Never Knew I Needed

for the way you changed my plans

for being the perfect distraction

for the way you took the idea that i have

of everything that i wanted to have

and made me see there was something missing

for the ending of my first begin

and for the rare and unexpected friend

for the way you're something that i never choose

but at the same time something i don't wanna lose

and never wanna be without ever again

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so when you were here i had no idea

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so now it's so clear i need you here always

my accidental happily (ever after)

the way you smile and how you comfort me (with your laughter)

i must admit you were not a part of my book

but now if you open it up and take a look

you're the beginning and the end of every chapter

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so when you were here i had no idea

you're the best thing i never knew i needed (that i needed)

so now it's so clear i need you here always

who'd knew that i'd be here

so unexpectedly (so unexpectedly)

undeniablely happy

said with you right here, right here next to me

girl you're the..

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so when you were here i had no idea

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so now it's so clear i need you here always

now it's so clear i need you here always

Tell Me Where It Hurts

What is my day going to look like?

What will my tomorrow bring me?

If I had x-ray eyes, I could see inside

I wouldn't have to predict the future

I wish that you would do with some talking

How else am I to know what you're thinking?

If only people would say what it really was

What it really was

What it really was that they wanted

Tell me where it hurts

To hell with everybody else

All I care about is you and that's the truth

They don't like me; I can tell

But you do, so they can go to hell

Did they ever give you a reason

To believe in something different

If you're looking for love; for what it's worth

I have plenty of it lying around here somewhere

If you are looking for dissapointment

You can find it around any corner

In the middle of the night I hold on to you tight

So both of us can feel protected

Tell me where it hurts

To hell with everybody else

All I care about is you and that's the truth

They don't like me; yeah I can tell

But you do, so they can go to hell

I've been loved but I didn't know how to feel it

And I've been adored but I don't know if I ever believed it

I've been loved my whole life but I didn't know how to take it

Until YOU.

So tell me where it hurts

To hell with everybody else

All I care is you and that's the truth

They don't like me, yeah that's the truth

But you do, so they can go to hell

But you do, so they can go to hell

Dear bloggie~

Yes, I know I know I owe u a whole bunch of stories. Trust me dear bloggie, I wanted to spill it to u, tp sy malas. Hahaha, strong reason aite? As i said, byk cte. it's all in my head. all mixed up tp xtau which to spill first n how to write em. so xpayah la. MALASSSS.

Typical-ness. Insensitivity. Guilty-ness.

All I wanted was; a simple sorry. Harapan la.

Owh yes, as always; 사랑 해요, 타이보-씨.

Last2, back to square one jgak. Ade ade, xde xpe.

Haih, c'est la vie. Seriously, c'est la vie.

This is too much!

Alamak, mcm mne nk bt ni? Gler rindu. Hadoi. Arggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!~ Apa mau bikin ni, tgk kiri tgk kanan kalih depan kalih blakang asyik nk dok tringat je ngan mamat sorg 2. Bangun pagi2 pn ingat die dlu. Gler angau aku ni kn? Ntah spell Harry Potter yg mne satu tah die gne kt aku ni...Naik sosak dado den ni rindu2 ngan dio ha!

Tp itu olang sikalang pigi sana Perak, ala lia munya cousin tunang. Lg la sy lindu sama lia. Wa talak suka ini mcm wo, manyak lindu. Itu dalam hati juga manyak lisau sama lia, nnti ada olang rain jatuh cinta sama lia, wa jugak yg susah wo. Itu olang manyak baik, susah mau calik wo. Itu pasal la wa kena jaga lia btul2. Walaupn itu olang kadang2 manyak songeh, sangat mengade2. Sampai wa lase mau cubit lia manyak2. ((Padan muka hang!))

Adeh, penat aku nk kena taip mcm pompuan xbtui haih!~ Haha, sumpah sengal. Pelik gler dowh, ble dekat mcm2 songeh...asyik nk mengade2 je ngan die. skali dh jauh bru padan muka aku yg HOT ni. Hot la sgt kn...hahahaha. dh jauh pndai lak nk rindu2 bagai. Adoyai...

Owh yes, tbe2 tringat stu qoute yg aku dgr time tgk tv pagi2 hari 2. smpai skrg asyik dok melekat dlam kepala hotak ni ha. "Kamu kadangkala menjengkelkan, tp seringkali membahagiakan." Gler smart ayat die kn? Meaning pn blh tahan...Kne dowh qoute ni, ngan Typo 2 la spe lg. Kadang2 rse die 2 cm annoying gler sbb asyik bahan aku je, blh joint venture ngan budak kcik 2 lg bahan gf sndiri. Hadoi. Tp slalunye die mmg sorg yg best, n he always makes me happy!!!~ (Though he is a little bit boring at times, and he knows that he is too~!) Hehehehehe. Tp satu hari x kne bahan ngan cik abg 2 rse cm x complete lak hari sy...Apekah?

Adeh, ni dok tulis2 lagu ni ni, harus la aku kne bahan ngan bdak kcik n Typo 2 pas dorg bce post ni. Konfem pnye la, dh tau sgt dh. Tp lantak korg la, yg sy tau...SAYA SAYANG ZULHILMI SY! =)

Tomorrow.

Phewww, i havent post anything in 3 days!!~ feels like ages! miss u my bloggie!

I'm going to Johore tomorrow!!! Yeay me!!!~ Tp Phat plan nk g camping trus mcm bpak die suh...alaaaaaaaa, postpone lg la nk g jmpe my muffin ni...Uwaaaa, aku dh excited gler dh pn kot ni!~

Hadoi, dh tarak idea nk tulis pe. Lets pray everything's gonna be fine tomorrow, aite? Tuhan, please protect us from all harms and dangers so that i will get the chance to meet my Typo 2 nnti. Please3 God, cepat2kn la mse camp kt Air Papan nnti so blh blik JB pronto!~ Hehehe.

Lepas ni nk kne packing brg2 plak dh. Sumpah malas nk packing2 ni, serabut hotak aku! Haish~ Bnde ni la yg plg xbest skali ble nk g travel mne2. Sbb ble packing de je brg yg x ckup n x jmpe, blh spoil mood. Trus dh kureng ke-excited-an nk g holiday 2. Ikut hati ni nk je g sehelai sepinggang. Some girl u are! Pfft~

Dh la, dh la. Nk start packing brg dh ni. 8days in Johore, bwak 2 bags je ckup kot no? Laptop nk kne bwak gak ke ea? Lau fb thru fon je xbest sbb xleh main petville...Hmm, ckup kot 2 bags 2. Shoes nk kne bwak ke ea? Err, heels de nk kne gne ke? Bwak wedges bese2 jela. Arggghhh, stress tul bab2 packing macking ni!!! K la, stop dlu la smpai cni. Toodles~

P/S:

Dear Bloggie,

I'm sorry if not able to update u

in a while

Coz I'll be away

Try not to miss me that much

As u will always be in my mind.

I'll get back to u

as soon as possible,

and hopefully can bring you

some good news.

Annyeong Bloggie!~

1 2 3 4

1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

Give me more lovin' than I've ever had

Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad

Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad

Barely gettin' mad, I'm so glad I found you

I love bein' around you

You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There's only one thing to do

Three words for you I love you

There's only one way to say

Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you

Give me more lovin' from the very start

Piece me back together when I fall apart

Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad

Best that I've had,

I'm so glad that I found you

I love bein' around you

You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There's only one thing to do

Three words for you I love you

There's only one way to say

Those three words and that's what I'll do,

I love you

I love you

(Plain White T's ~ 1234 I Love You)

The most significant song right at this moment. Owh well. This one's for you Muffin! Cheers~

Pasar Malam :)

Now, for the real post. Hahaha ye ye je kn? Semangat xhengat, membara2 ibarat api. Eh jap, mende aku mengarut ni?! Sengal die ni~

Awat hari ni panaih ngat no? gila, xlarat aku nk mandi balik2 haih. Ni malam ni pn ntah bpe kali dh aku mandi. Dunia mmg btul2 nk kiamat ke atau just a mere global warming? I wish, both neither!!! I got sooo many damn freaking things I wanna do and please3 Tuhan, let this world lasts a little bit longer. Sounds a little bit serious huh? Guess I AM in a serious mode right this moment. Tibe2 je. Random much? LOL. I am a VERY random person, so far. That's what I think.

Lately in my head, there's this song, or shall I say melody, kept playing over n over n over again. It's like main lagu kt windows media player pas2 bg repeat blik2. Tp the thing is, xtau lagu ape. It's like, all the wires, all the neurons, all the transmitters inside my brain sedang jalan2, sambung2 between each other, langgar sini langgar sne n thus create the sound. Haha, mcm psycho je. Xkn la kot blh dgr bnde2 2 sume crashing between each other kn? This is what you will be kalau study psychology lebih2 sgt. Hahaha

Td pukul 8++pm mcm 2 pegi pasar malam. My favourite activity. Best g p.malam. Sbb die alive. Penuh dgn manusia. Kiri kanan depan belakang sume ade. Kalau nk tgk what life really is, then for me pasar malam is the place. Sume ade. You can see struggle, hypocrites, happiness, joy, tears, sweats, hope and love...Mostly everything that shapes us. Paling best ialah dpat tgk LIFE. Kehidupan. Mcm2 variasi hidup. Kalau teliti lebih dalam, akn dtg keinsafan. Yg baik amik jd rutin hidup, yg cm haram bt dek je. Stop and stare sudehhh.

Since hari ni aura serious-ness 2 lg berat dr aura main2, so aktiviti 'hot-guy-butt-checking' x dijalankn. Mmg nmpak mcm agak byk potential hot arses yg blh d'check-out' tp xde mood r. Rsenye sbb Phat xde kot? Hahaha. Owh yes, td mse nk kuar umah nk g 2 bru aku perasan yg aku xtgk cermin lgsg! Kuar mcm 2 je. For the first time in my entire 'adulthood' ni aku kuar umah xtgk cermin!!! Ni kalau blh masuk Guinness' Book of Record ni, popular dh aku. But owh well, dlam2 xtgk cermin 2, a head-turner will always be a head-turner. Hahaha, koya syial aku ni! Rse2nye la kn ngan muke serabai cmtu bpe la agak2 org ingt muka aku ni ea? 18? 21? 25? 30? OMG, RANDOMNYE SAYA!!!~ Mengarut sokmo die ni. Hampir sejam kt pasar malam n tawaf pasar malam tu 2,3 kali aku pn balik la. Check2 purse, rm40 melayang! Adoyai, pasar malam je pn kot 2. Boros pnye pmpuan, pasar malam pn jd ko nk shopping ea. Gler la aku ni! Ntah ape jela yg aku beli smpai habis byk 2. Xde beli makan pn, makanan yg bwak balik ni pn dpat free je((advantage of being a woman, u got free stuffs everywhere anywhere anytime! :D))

Pas2 de beli like a small pouch tuk simpan fon ni, tp cm x menarik la. Anyhow, beli gak. N abg 2 blh plak tnye fon aku ori x ori! Tsirap darah aku kejap td. Harusss la ori bang, x main la recon2 ni. Then Aman lak pesan suh beli belt kepala superman 2. Duit aku lg! Sengal, awak nk pakai belt 2 ble nye? G skolah bukan blh gne pn. Melayang lg rm10. Xblh jdik ni, lain kali g pasar malam xleh bwak dt byk2, rm5 cukup!

Hari ni, as in 16/5/2010, dh like seminggu lambat period from the last date. Ni yg aku xsuke lmbat2 ni, konfem2 mood swing truk gler. Ade je kang yg kne fire ni. Kalau de scientist nk bt research sal woman's pnye mood swing b4, sedang and after period, then aku pnye reading mesti cm harem. Trun naik trun naik. Bile2 je blh btukar ni. Jap jd Sailormoon, jap jd Mamoru. Hehehe, random much?

Owh yes, td mse nk kuar kete blik dr pasar malam tanpa aku sedari, n ntah mcm mne, my Baby ni tjatuh ats floor front porch 2. Aduuuuuhhhhh, terstop jap jantung aku. ~Sorry baby, mummy x sengaje tjatuhkn baby. Sorry k syg~

Hari ni dh 16/5...Literally like 4 days lg Nightmare on Elm Street nk kuar!!! Mesti, wajib, harus g tgk! Aku die hard fan Freddy Krueger kot, since tgk cte die 6,7 tahun lepas. So this upcoming movie is highly anticipated!!!~ One two Freddy comes for u, three four better lock your door...~

My new baby - X6!!!~

Nokia X6 in the house!!!~ Yeay, mama bought me a new phone! Dr ngah bad mood xckup tdo ptg semalam ((14/5/2010)) trus hilg ngantok aku...Cm sial perangai~ Ye r, mau x melompat aku, dh bpe lme dh mengidam nk phone bru...And, and, and...I'm gonna call her baby!~ Aww sweet baby, mummy loves u sooo much~ Mau x syg, agak byk ringgit guna woo...Nk xnk kne jge elok2 la, lau jdik pape haram la dorg nk beli bru dlam mse tdekat nk kn? Heee~ Best2.

N since die touch screen, so time call 2 agak senang nk ter'touch' pape la...yg Typo 2 lak asyik menghanjeng aku je. Adehhh, nsib baik jauh, dekat td siap la!~ ;P

Que sera sera~

Phewww, finally korean drama 2 dh hbis tgk!!! Wahhh, bestnye...tp yg xbestnye, part2 sedih air mata ni xkuar lak. Sbb malam awai lg kot no, slalu tgk dkat2 nk subuh...Haha~

This one song got stucked in my head the WHOLEEEE day, n trust me it annoys me at the very most; though it's quite a lovely song. ~~I will never let you fall...~~ Tgk 2, nyanyi lg!

Yeay, next week plan cuti kt JB!!! Hmmm, mintak2 ler babah bg g...Nsib baik mummy phat nk kawtim ngan ktorg. Haha caya la aunty!!! The three of us, me Phat n Anna that is, plan nk g outdoor camping. Just the three of us. But really, I'm quite not in favor of this little idea. Cm takut je, dh la sume pompuan. Adehhh, choi choi choi!~ But seriously! Xbpe bkenan sgt ngan the 'all girls' rule 2, tp sgt bkenan ngan adventure2 n ke-crazy-ness yg bakal jadik...Heeee~

Ym ngan my syg bcuk 2 was fun. Haih, miss la kt my sweet little muffin 2. Tp die ade 'bf' baru!!! Ko la 2 didie!!!~ Hahaha. Kuar sokmo ngan bf 2. Hmmmm, rindu lg. Rindu lg~

Hari ni blik2 umah ntah ape la angin org tua 2. Masak kari ikan lak for our dinner. Well I was shocked with the sudden mood change, tp lyan kn jela. Mama pn ok je, so maleh la nk interview lebih2...

Owh yes, I ALMOST got myself KILL td ptg mse blik! I was sooo fucking sleepy. N so I told mama. And she did nothing, so I assumed she's tired and i'll continue driving the car. But then, I literally terlelap while driving. Ape lg, melelong la kete msuk the other lane yg ade upcoming car. Sedar2 je mama dh teriak 'Nabilaaaaaa!!!'. Then She tarik the stering ke kiri n then our car like melelong ke kiri la. Literally mcm tpusing kete ktorg. Luckily the two cars yg I almost crash into 2 dpat elak and there's no car depan belakang. Lau x lg nahas. She was sooo panic that she rebut the stering form which I hold on tightly to. Sakit wrist kiri ni ha, a little bruises even! and then she goes on n on n on abt this n that, nagging gler2. n I was pissed my arse off! We had a fight even, which I yelled at her asking her to shut up. I mean, yup that was my fault, but bnde dh jdik n we both pn xde pape. So cut the damn nag la. Coz hey, I were shocked n scared as u r yourself! Can u please like wait till I'm sane again then only I can think straight n offer a polite apology. Ni tak nk membebel2 je tau! Though I feel guilty after that. Hmmm, que sera sera, so chill je la!Sleeping time!!!!!

사랑 해요, 타이바-씨!!!!!

Tired.

Life. Saying the word is hard enough, let alone living it. I'm just sooo fucking tired of everything. When life starts to treat you a little better, there's always this one small stupid single thing that spoiled alllll the fun.

Gosh, I never get tired of smiling. I had this smile for like forever. But I was totally worn out by myself when I frowned, not even for an hour. Why does it so hard to frown, be sad and look sad? I guess I'm just not used to it. I am sooo hating this kinda emotion you see, when all you ever want are screaming, crying and cursing. But nothing came out. Except the laughs. And the smiles.

C'est La Vie~

Perfect...NOT~

Hey dad look at me

Think back and talk to me

Did I grow up according to plan?

And do you think

I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?

'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't pretend that

I'm alright

And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think

About the pain I feel inside

Did you know you used to be my hero?

All the days you spend with me

Now seem so far away

And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't stand another fight

And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said

Nothing's gonna make this right again

Please don't turn your back

I can't believe it's hard

Just to talk to you

But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

11/5/2010

Hari ini dalam sejarah. Teng teng teng teng~~~ Background music yg ala2 kt dlam tv 2...

Hari ini sy g Pavilion, tgk wyg. Dak2 dip ajak g, to be exact Sean la yg invite. Pas2 rse cm awkward sbb lme xlepak sme2 aku pn bwak la Phat 2...Pheww, nsib baik dorg change plan, Xjd g main ice skating...Lau x usah dkenang ler cuak aku ni...Hehehehe. Agak best la jgk movie td, "The Losers". Klakar xhengat, pas2 bab2 bunuh2 n meletup2 die 2 mmg smart siak! Not to mention sume actors die smokin hot lak 2. Not to mention the muscles!!! All the biceps n stuffs. Phewww, mind blowing btul. Gler hot kn. Hehehe :)

Asal la ea hari ni asyik nk marah2 je. Sng gler nk pissed off. There's always a thing yg x puas hati. PMS kot no? Yela kot 2.

Ah 2 jela kot kn for today. I'm wondering eh, where the heck la Mr Typo is? Didnt reply my text pn...Tidoq kot no? Ke angin senggugut die dtg blik? Adehhh, mmg mntak kne sembelih bt lauk kari Thai la lau cmtu...Nk g layan vid Anas Tahir kt youtube jap, boring ni~

World's Forgetfulness Day.

Mmg fucked up syial. Babi tul la, haram jadah tul! Arggghhhhhhhh, bengang tahap petala langit ke 12juta! Charger fon ttinggal lak kt umah maktam. Sial la, cmne la leh lpe. Dh la charger 2 one of a kind, satu keje lak aku nk keliling umah ni crik charger cm2. Adehhhh sumpah bengang syial.

Asal la hari ni asyik nk mengamuk je ni, aku pn heran. Pagi2 lg dh baran dh, blh plak misplaced spek. Skali crik2 bwah katil, ntah cmne jadah tah die blh end up kt ctu. adehhh, pagi2 dh fucked up. Lau ikut kepala gler ni, rse nakkkk je fire sume org. Nsib baik sane lg otak ni. Pas2 skali malam ni lak bru perasan charger tlpe nk bwak blik. Pantek tul la, bengang nye la aku. Angin stu bdan ni. BAAABBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!

Dh la MU x menang td kalah ngan Chelsea, tp ni xde la kisah sgt. X menyumbang pertambahan angin kemarahan aku pn, tp sbg peminat setia Alex Ferguson yg bakal jdik laki aku nnti, frust 2 ade la ckit...Lantak ler kome, nsib baik xyah bkak bju cm yg Mr Typo 2 ckap.

Pas2 dh la xdpat g event kt unikop td. Dh la dak2 2 hari last kt sne. Pasni xtau la ble lak nk jmpe. Besar pnye musibat hari ni dowh! Sumpah aku geram xdpat g bbq dorg td. Rse nk nangis je tp cm xmacho la plak kn. Haih~ Nothing is working the way they supposed to be. Cm kimak je!~

Hari Yang Penat @_@

Saturday!!! Aku bangkit tdo sgt lambat hari ni, 10.30am...Hehehe, nsib baik mama ngan babah xde kt umah...lau x, harapan la aku nk bgn lmbat cmni...Tp mama n babah xde umah means; aku kne masaaakkk!!!~ Dh la mood nk msak xde ni, maleh nye la haih...Semalam sgt seronok, had a great time ym with my muffin. Maleh ler nk tulis detail2, sbb nk privacy ckit. Haha, nk simpan these memories baik2 dlam otak yg bkarat ni...

Bgn2 je trus g mandi ((chewahhh)) pas2 trus trun nk tgk kne bt pape yg ptut...Hmm, sgt byk!~ Sumpah mcm xnk bt je, malas dowh~ Tp xpe r, smbil2 nk msak nsik 2 tgk cte Korea 2, Scandal In Old Seoul tajuk die. Perghhh, smart r cte 2!~ Sbb dr kul 11, ke pkul 11.30, ke pukul 12 bru la nsik 2 bru nk kne msak. Hehehehe, cannot resist the temptation of Korean drama dowh!!! Gler cute kn cte 2. Pompuan 2 cm ignore2 je mamat yg die suke ni, skali mamat 2 dpat jmpe die trus tarik pompuan 2, trus kiss!!! Amik ko, kn dh kne kiss sejibik. Waaahhhhhh, best2!!! Hahahaha, gler cute kn. Argghhh, cute sgt3~ Sempat la aku berangan jd pompuan 2 jap kn. Hehe, cm hape je perangai...

Ok2 pas2 dh msak, kemas umah n pe jadah lg la yg aku bt td, naik2 bilik je trus tetdo syial. Penat sgt ni, sian die...hahaha. pas2 kul 5pm+++ td mama kejut suh siap2 nk g Puchong. Aaaa, malas. Dh la hujan, lyan tdo ni syok ni. Tp xpe, demi utk menyambut kekasih hati yg sgt dirindui yg akn smpai dr Aussie malam ni, aku sangguppppp!!! Adik, kak ila rindu adik!!!

Malam ni tdo umah maktam sbb bsok nk bt birthday party utk sy punye kekasih hati itu. Yeay, adik dh 4thun! Lg 16thun lg dh blh kawin ngan kak ila~ Hehehe. Tp mesti sok lg penat kn? Play nice belle, play nice. Mntak2 la sok xde sedara2 talam 18muka yg dtg. Lau x penat aku pn kne jd talam gak. Why la u r sooo fucking nice ni bell, perlu ke ea nk jge hati sume org? Hmmm, yup I say perlu! That's just my nature u see, that's the way I am. And I'm proud of it!!!~

Toodles la dlu, nk mandi. Pas2 nk g pasar malam, kak ifah 'titip' lauk nk bwak g Puchong japg. Yeay, pasar malam! Blh beli air durian belande 2!!! Hey Muffin, I know u will read this. :D Love you hunn!~