Life Like This.

Life is just so fucking unfair.

Yes, too many heartaches in one lifetime ain't good for me. SO to prevent so, let's just put everything down and do it your way. Please3 God, give me strengthsss to start ignoring things that can make me weak. Arghhh, so in need to smoke now!!! Haha, mcm la blh kn?

Fucked up and messed up. Let's start the 'ignoring regime' NOWWWW!~


C'EST LA VIE???!!!

June 18th 2010

Phewww, what a looooong day!~

I woke up at 7am, anta mama g keje pas2 g beli breakfast. Mandi2 n siap2 nk g fetch Fed sbb we're going to KL. Nk collect result IELTS. So yeah we went there. She kept asking me, aren't you scared aren't you scared? Well not reaaallly coz I know I did well in the exam, well, kinda. Tp nk sedapkn hati minah ni, aku pn cakap 'xtakut tp neBes' dgn wajah yg xberperasaan. Hahahaha, xmcm aku kne maki lak kn ngan die sbb bt muke selamberrr dek je. Padan muke ko, geram aku haih hang tanye balik2!~ Pas2 sampai je kt British Council 2, pas park kete n scan bag sume kami pn menuju ke counter tanye2 2. Kne tunggu sat sbb de org. Mse tunggu 2 la bru aku start takut+nebes!~ Hadoi, cuak habis. Dh turn ktorg, abg 2 mintak ic pe sume n die starts crik result kami. Kecuakkan aku dh mencapai tahap tertinggi, kalah Sang Perwira punye jurus 38 Petala Langit. Then die distributed result ktorg in an envelope. Chill dlu, chill dlu...xnk bukak lg. Skali dh jejak luar main entrance 2 bru ktorg pelan2 bukak envelope 2 n tgk result. Fed bukak dlu, and she found out she got band 6.5. She was happpyyyy!~ Now turn aku lak. Syial, cuak3!!! Tarik pelan2 je result slip 2...Skali...Jeng3!!!~ I got band 7.5!!! Hahahhah YEAY MEEEEE! Phewww, selamat aku!~

Pas g amik result 2, since it's only 10am++ and janji nk study group ngan Mia pn kul 12, we decided, actually I decided nk g Jalan TAR nk perbaik kasut. Bukan kasut like the real kasut la actually, one sandal and dua wedges. Hahaha, all the way to KL la plak kn? Sengal. So yeah. Pusing punye pusing sampai makcik sorg ni dh tetdo kt sbelah tinggal aku sorg2 je figured out jalan. Effect ubat seseme kate die. Pusing2 lg, last2 kat area kedai2 depan Masjid India 2 bru jmpe, siap ade parking lg. Nasib aku, what a LUCKY BITCH I am!~ Hahaha

Pas tnye harga kt abg cobbler 2, aku bg la trus tiga2 kasut 2...Murah la jugak, rm2 satu kasut. Terkejut gak aku kn, ingtkn bpe la td. Dh la poket ngah xramai ni...Hehe. Mse die tgh bt kasut 2, aku pn observed la cre die sume. Let's say la dalam sehari 2 ade 5 org je nk alter kasut, bru rm10 abg 2 dapat. Mcm mne ea nk survive? Kesian plak. Gler bersyukur kn aku hdup senang lenang je cmni. Kate la lau aku pn susah cmtu, ape jela aku nk bt agaknye? Nk jd cobbler gak? Huh, kemahiran lgsg xde. Satu lg, I admired their determination. Mmg keje 2 susah nk senang, tp at least it's better than mintak sedekah kn? Kagum gler. Masalahnye kecik je kot, bahagian depan sandal n wedges 2 dh tanggal. Sendiri pn blh perbaik sbnrnye. Tp kite yg spoilt gler2 ni ngade2 nk suh org lain yg tlg perbaik. Nsib baik ade dorg ni, so literally it's a cycle of symbiosis la kot. We help each other kn.

Then dh setel sume, g kolej trus. Meet up Mia kt library pas2 bt tutorial Stats sme2. Mse tgh2 bt tutorial 2 tbe2 otak ter-distract jap sbb tbe2 dilanda angin rindu dendam kt bdak bcuk sy 2. Call jap la, dgr suara jappp je pn jdik la. Haih, sumpah cute dowh die gelak. Lagi la rindu3~ Then 3pm masuk class Statistics. For the first time sepanjang aku study ni, aku xngantok atau tetido dlam class. Hahaha, ye r sebelum masuk class dh layan 'drugs' dlu. Kepala pn layan je, Mmg 'weylll2' la~ Hahaha, drugs sy adalah nescafe dlam tin yg kaler light blue 2. Die de rse cm minty2 ckit. Gler best class td, rse cm genius sial bt calculation td 2. Gler smart sume nombor2 2. Adehhhh, bangga aku! Hhehehehe, koya lebey syial.

Pas2 smpai umah pnye cte lak. Skali babah nk ajak g makan luar, since dinner kt Flaming xjdik sbb Maklang n family g Langkawi. Babah ajak g Uptown Danau Kota!!! Haram la aku nk ikt, tempat the ex-bf 2 lepak kot ctu! Dah la rems bsepah2. Kate la aku g pas2 die nmpak aku ngan family, japg die bt kacau ke, x ke naya cm2? Haih, nsib baik la de assignment yg kne anta b4 12am td. Ade gak alasan xnk join dorg. Lau x skrg pn xblik lg. Skrg 2 as in 2.14am...

And since skrg pn dh kul 2am++, mata pn dh berat ni...Katil n bantal ni dh miscall blik2 dh ni, suh tdo la 2 kot...hahaha. Dah la sok kul 9 keje. Malam ni tdo hug Muffin lg, yeay!~ Hahaha

.......

Now that I'm jealous, what do u think i should do? Hadoi, mencabar keimanan n menguji kesabaran btul! Out of hundreds ko pnye friends dlam friend's list 2, asal la page mamat 2 gak ko nk menyemak? Dua kali plak 2!!! Argggggghhhhhhhhhh crazy bee-yatch! Paranoid! Attention-seeker! Arggghhhhh!~

Calm down syg, breathe in breathe out. U know u r waaaayyyy better than her, so chill out. She's the past, u r the present n insyaallah will be the future as well. So relax la...ni good inner-self yg ckap...

WTF?! Is she sane or what?! WTH is she doing menyemak-ing in his page, with alll the annoying quizzes n stuff?! What r u trying to prove again? Add me if u dare, then kite fight! Tgk kuasa Otromen spe lg hebat...ni evil inner-self yg ckap...

hahaha, gaduh la korg dua org. Maleh aku nk msuk cmpur walaupn korg bdua ini adalah aku. Aku adalah korg, korg aku, aku korg. Ahh sudahhh, gler dh pmpuan ni...Hehehehe

Tadi g tgk movie!!! Yeay~ Sex and The City 2. It was great! The women are like, the luckiest bitch alive, until of coz, Samantha ruins it. Huh!~ Always love Carrie and Big's style. And Ohhhhhhh Myyyyy Gooooood, isnt the black diamond ring Big got for Carrie amazinggg? I'll die n go to heaven kalau dpat satu mcm 2! Hahaha.

Other than that xde sgt kot, bese2 je. Ape kte we go to bed skrg? Hmmm, good idea gak 2...

Kesibukanku Hari Ini.

Hmmm, hari ni sy busy n sgt penat. Gler ah.

Pagi2 dikejutkn dengan deringan telefon bimbit sy. Babah rupanya. Beliau menyuruh sy pergi ke luar rumah kerana terdapat despatch boy yg mahu menyerahkn parcel sedang menanti di luar rumah. Dengan perasaan malas utk menyarungkn baju berlapis2, sy hanya menyarung bathrobe sahaja. Dengan rambut serabai dan muka suci belum cuci muka sy pn keluar mengambil parcel tersebut. Kelihatan di wajah abg despatch itu riak2 kelucuan dan mimik2 ejekan. Lantak engko la, aku mamai lg ni. Saya msuk ke dalam rumah dan menyambung semula lena yg terganggu sebentar td.

Sesudah itu sy pn bgn semula dan lantas trun ke bawah kerana babah sudah blik membawa sarapan utk kami semua. Roti canai. Haih, tiba2 hati ini diserang rindu akn roti tampal goyang d JB tempoh hari. Sesudah makan, sy dan adik2 bt lerrr apa yg patut dalam usaha kami mengemas rumah yg telah seminggu ditinggalkn. Kemudian, by noon, babah menyuruh sy pergi ke shah alam utk mengambil brg beliau di pejabat pos. Di sinilah kesibukan hariku bermula.

Sesampaiku d post office dan setelah menunggu beberapa lama, barulah aku dimaklumkan yg sebenarnya brg tersebut sepatutnya diambil di post office yg satu lg. D glenmarie. Aduhai, mmg haram la sy nk ke sana selepas itu. Sy pn membuat keputusan utk trus ke Kota Damansara. Pusing punya pusing jalan keluar, pi mai pi mai tang tu gak. 3 kali sy tawaf, last skali bru pass naik highway nk ke KD.

Kemudian sy ke rumah Phat utk menguruskan wardrobe n accessories utk photoshoot ktorg pnye blog 2. Sedar2 x sedar sudah pukul 3.20pm. Dengan kelam kabut nya sy memecut kenderaan utk ke kolej. Tetapi pada ketika photoshoot itu sdg berlangsung, kami semua seperti ter-annoyed dgn kerenah Diba ank Datuk. Semua serba xkena, dh la dtg lambat. Haih. Kemudian, sesudah tiba d kolej kami pn berlari2 ank ke kelas kerana quiz sdg berlangsung ketika ini. Dan kami hanya mempunyai 4minit utk menyiapkn quiz tersebut. Kemudian sepanjang class sy dan Phat hanya tersengguk2 menahan mengantuk. Kemuncaknya ialah kami bergabung kepala utk sama2 menidurkn diri selama beberapa minit kuliah tersebut.

Apabila waktu rehat tiba, sy dan Phat berpusu2 ke canteen utk soru. Perghh, sumpah lapar. Yela, breakfast sahaja dr td. Kami pn melantak dgn sepuas hati. Kemudian class pn bersambung. Kami tertidur lg, seperti biasa. Apabila class telah berakhir, sedang aku mencuba meloloskn diri dr seat yg sempit itu, tiba2 Diba dtg dan berkeras mahu menatap semula gambar2 yg telah diambil sepanjang photoshoot td. Aku mengatakn lain kali saja lah kerana aku mahu berkejar mengambil mama blik dr kerja, tp dia berkeras. Aku dilanda kegeraman lalu mengeluh dan meninggikan suaraku utk menyatakan ketidakpuashatianku. Tp dia tetap xpaham protes itu. Slow sungguh!

Selepas mengadakan sesi soal jawab mengenai blog Wordpress.com kami dgn Mr Ilyas, aku pn keluar dr class. Tiba2 Egypt mengejarku dr belakang dan memulakan perbualan. Rindu katanya. Aku pn pelik, begitu juga dgn Phat. Apakah??? Selepas itu aku menghantar Phat ke klinik kerana beliau berasa kurang sihat, sama seperti apa yg ku rasakan ketika ini. Sesudah itu aku trus memecut kenderaan utk mengambil mama yg sudah pulang dr kerja. Nasib baik jalanraya tidak mengada2 hari ini, kurang kesesakan dan lancar perjalananku. Aku sampai di rumah lebih kurg pukul 8.30malam selepas menurut kehendak mama utk singgah di sana sini.

Sampai2 je terus makan. Sesudah makan aku naik ke bilik dan bersiap sedia utk mandi. Tiba2 ada khidmat pesanan ringkas diterima d telefon bimbitku. Ah, kekasih hati rupanya. Sekonyong2 aku dipagut rasa bersalah kerana telah mengabaikan beliau sepanjang hari ini kerana kesibukanku. Walaupn begitu aku ttp gumbira mendapat khidmat pesanan ringkas itu, biar aku ada mengesan sedikit riak2 kemalasan dan kemenyampahan dr cara beliau menghantar pesanan tersebut. Tak mengapa lah, pasrah sahaja kepada Yang Esa, dia Maha Mengetahui. Selepas mandi aku berasa lega. Segala2nya sudah wangi. Rambut ini sungguh ringan, harumannya menyegarkn mindaku.

Kemudian aku turun ke bawah. Adik2 perempuanku sdg menonton Hitz. Lagu2nya semua layannnnn. Kami pn mengadakan konsert d ruang tamu itu, miming lagu2 yg berkumandang. Nasib baik babah keluar membincangkan soal kerja, kalau tidak mmg sah2 kami akn diterajang sorg demi sorg. Hahahaha. Kemudian aku naik semula ke bilik dan mula mengarang entry ini, mmg macam haram cara aku menulisnya kali ini. Keskemaan melanda.

Telefon bimbit ku letakkan betul2 di sebelah komputer ribaku. Menanti ia berdering, menunggu khidmat pesanan ringkas atau jikalau bernasib baik panggilan telefon dr kekasih hati. Tetapi hampa. Lantas aku meruntuhkan tembok keegoan ku dan mengambil inisiatif pertama untuk menghantar pesanan kepadanya. Perkara biasa. Soalan lain yg ku ajukan, jawapan lain yg diterima. Lagi sekali, tak mengapa lah. Beliau sedang sibuk agaknya.

Walaupn aku dilanda kesibukan sepanjang hari ini, separuh dr jiwa dan ingatanku ada pada sang kekasih hati. Ingatan padanya tetap utuh, dan di satu sudut kecil hati ku aku mengharapkn sedikit tanda ingatan dr beliau. Satu khidmat pesanan ringkas darinya sudah mencukupi bagiku, tetapi hampa. Dan seperti biasa, tak mengapa lah. Sakit dadaku menanggung rindu, seperti menghidap barah tahap kritikal lagaknya. Dan seperti biasa lg, tak mengapa lah.

Seperti biasa juga, tidur malamku akn ditemani outfit itu. Kehangatan yg ku rasakn dr litupan outfit tersebut ke atas badanku seolah2 hangatnya pelukan dr beliau. Dan pasti akn nyenyak lenaku, mimpi2 indah belaka.

~And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind. To me it happens all the time.~ Lady Antebellum, Need You Now.

These past few days...

Gler cepat masa berlalu...sedar2 dh seminggu x post pape kt blog. Last post published was on June 7th 2010. Miss me huh, bloggie? Awww, i miss you too...


Lagenda Budak Setan
Somewhere around last week or last two weeks Phat n I went for a movie. Cte melayu. Yes, yesss...mmg agak mengejutkan tp itulah die. The truth, ktorg tgk wayang cte melayuuuuu!~ Cte 'Lagenda Budak Setan.' Owh well, worth a watch la jgak since cte 2 mmg menarik. Tp yg bt xbest 2 ialah BM yg dorg gne dlam movie. Punya skema sial!!! Sumpah sgt la bersifat kemelayuan, tp xkisah la 2. And for the first time, i have to admit la yg Farid Kamil 2 cute la jugak. If only there's a guy yg mcm Akashah 2. Perghh, bahagia hidup aku. But as the movie's going, tbe2 ade part yg reminds me of the past relationship. Yes, you guess it right. The 'pukul2 blasah2' thingy. That is exactly how I kena dgn Arif dlu. But owh well, mse 2 kn konon 'cinta mati' so kena teruk2 pn I was like, ok je xpe. Bodoh pnye perempuan! Bile tgk org lain kne blasah mcm 2 bru la perasan yg sebenarnya bnde 2 adalah bnde yg sgt dahsyat! Hmmm, manusia. Dah terhantuk bru nk terngadah.

Diba
there's a reason why she is one of the sub-topics. Sebabnye ialah sy sudah semakin kurg suka dgn die ni. Haih. Girl, I know u r still young. bru 18 tp please please please grow up! Please la be a little more concern n responsible. Xkan la every single time nk class people have to tell you where n when, quizzes where n when. I mean, rather than FB-ing semata2 ape kte ko online la check pape info pasal next class. N the quizzes, ape gne la Mr Ilyas bg the schedule outlines kalau xblh nk refer anything kt ctu?! Heee, geram!!!~ What, ko nk org pity ko since u have to repeat last term pnye subject? Hey, it's ur fault that u failed bcoz u dont work hard enough. It's ur assignments tp asal Phat yg kne finalized smpai pkul 4am? Where are ur sense man?! Tau la ank Datuk, tp tlg la!!! Skrg ni ialah college, bukan high school lg. Sume bnde kne setel sndiri, kne independent. It's a man eat man world skrg, xde mse la nk play all goody2 girl. Haih, how i wish i can tell u this out loud!!! @_@

Balik Kampung
Hmmm,the family all balik kg except me. Xde la terkilan sgt sbb xdapat ikut, tp terkilan sbb x dapat ikut g shopping skali!!! Tp xpe, byk souvenirs utk sy!!! And and and, aku dapat handbag bru...Not really my taste, but hey! It's handbag dude. And the sisters got me this very cute hair thingy, its for cucuk ur hair kinda thing. Sanggul ke hape ntah. N ble sampai umah td, punggah2 brg dorg. Punye la byk bnde2 yg dorg beli kt pekan rabu. Ade bubur chacha lg 2, yes3! Sy suke mkan 2, weekend ni blh bt!!!

This coming Friday
Friday ni we're going to have dinner dgn Pak Lang's family, nk celebrate mama's belated bday katenye...Thanks to me, the venue is 'FLAMING'!!!!!! Yeay, dh la reasonable pas2 blh amik balik2 lak 2. Yg penting ice-cream die ade mint flavour! Yeay lg!~ Hahahahaha. Tapiiiiii...ala, mati kutu dowh aku kalau nk mingle dgn dorg 2. Sumpah xreti. Sefriendly2 sy ni pn, dgn dorg ttp xleh masuk kepala. Adehhh, xpe2 kite concentrate makan je nnti...Hehehe

Last Weekend
Since my family blik kg, n Ayan pn fly to Brisbane. Which means I have the house allll to myself, I decided to go to JB. Yeap, so I went. Nothing much. This and that. Tp roti tampal kt JB mmg best, much2 better than KL. Hahaha.

Complications
As usual: Insensitive. Ridiculous. Selfish. Amateur. Too Laid-back.
As expected: Dissatisfied. Broken-hearted. Self-centered bitch. Perfectionist.

Never Knew I Needed

for the way you changed my plans

for being the perfect distraction

for the way you took the idea that i have

of everything that i wanted to have

and made me see there was something missing

for the ending of my first begin

and for the rare and unexpected friend

for the way you're something that i never choose

but at the same time something i don't wanna lose

and never wanna be without ever again

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so when you were here i had no idea

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so now it's so clear i need you here always

my accidental happily (ever after)

the way you smile and how you comfort me (with your laughter)

i must admit you were not a part of my book

but now if you open it up and take a look

you're the beginning and the end of every chapter

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so when you were here i had no idea

you're the best thing i never knew i needed (that i needed)

so now it's so clear i need you here always

who'd knew that i'd be here

so unexpectedly (so unexpectedly)

undeniablely happy

said with you right here, right here next to me

girl you're the..

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so when you were here i had no idea

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so now it's so clear i need you here always

now it's so clear i need you here always

Tell Me Where It Hurts

What is my day going to look like?

What will my tomorrow bring me?

If I had x-ray eyes, I could see inside

I wouldn't have to predict the future

I wish that you would do with some talking

How else am I to know what you're thinking?

If only people would say what it really was

What it really was

What it really was that they wanted

Tell me where it hurts

To hell with everybody else

All I care about is you and that's the truth

They don't like me; I can tell

But you do, so they can go to hell

Did they ever give you a reason

To believe in something different

If you're looking for love; for what it's worth

I have plenty of it lying around here somewhere

If you are looking for dissapointment

You can find it around any corner

In the middle of the night I hold on to you tight

So both of us can feel protected

Tell me where it hurts

To hell with everybody else

All I care about is you and that's the truth

They don't like me; yeah I can tell

But you do, so they can go to hell

I've been loved but I didn't know how to feel it

And I've been adored but I don't know if I ever believed it

I've been loved my whole life but I didn't know how to take it

Until YOU.

So tell me where it hurts

To hell with everybody else

All I care is you and that's the truth

They don't like me, yeah that's the truth

But you do, so they can go to hell

But you do, so they can go to hell

Dear bloggie~

Yes, I know I know I owe u a whole bunch of stories. Trust me dear bloggie, I wanted to spill it to u, tp sy malas. Hahaha, strong reason aite? As i said, byk cte. it's all in my head. all mixed up tp xtau which to spill first n how to write em. so xpayah la. MALASSSS.

Typical-ness. Insensitivity. Guilty-ness.

All I wanted was; a simple sorry. Harapan la.

Owh yes, as always; 사랑 해요, 타이보-씨.

Last2, back to square one jgak. Ade ade, xde xpe.

Haih, c'est la vie. Seriously, c'est la vie.